


Tenderness is in the hands

by lemonimpact



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, ALL THE GOOD STUFF, Alpha Bang Chan, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Ambiguous Relationships, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Pining, Roommates, Sharing a Bed, Tenderness, Trans Male Character, Yearning, but it's actually 6+1 things, chan is trans! love this dude, oh my god they were roommates, peeling fruit for someone IS a love language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:16:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28817676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonimpact/pseuds/lemonimpact
Summary: “Honey, I’m home!”Chris snorts, though he sees it coming every single time. The tiny quirk of his lips stays there even when he turns around just in time to see Felix enter their kitchen.“You really are gonna keep on saying that everytime you come home, huh? Don’t you get tired of being a little bastard?”Felix snickers, sparrow-like chest shuddering with his mirth. Chris unwittingly puts one of his hands on the omega’s back to tug him a bit closer, to feel the movement of his body better. Chris smiles, like Felix’s happiness is something that resonates along the room and echoes in Chris as well.“Well, I gotta keep the neighbours on their toes, right? Need to give them some juicy bits to keep the rumours alive.”(Alternatively – 6 ways in which Chan and Felix show love wordlessly and 1 time they speak it out loud.)
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 20
Kudos: 179





	Tenderness is in the hands

**Author's Note:**

> hello! before reading - there is a brief mention of vomit/vomiting in this fic that starts with "He tries whatever he can to focus on this (...)" and ends with "The alpha lays his head back on the toilet seat (...)". that's all, enjoy the fic! :]]

Door opening and closing. There are sounds of shoes being shuffled around, clothes rustling as they’re deposited in their respective places, a _clink_ of keys begin dropped into a ceramic tray. A short moment of stillness, hesitation and the door being opened again. 

Then, quiet steps and a voice calling out loudly and mockingly:

“Honey, I’m home!”

Chris snorts, though he sees it coming every single time. The tiny quirk of his lips stays there even when he turns around just in time to see Felix enter their kitchen. His hair is mussed up from the beanie that he probably took off seconds ago and his cheeks are flushed from cold as well - this December isn’t a particularly kind one. Chris doesn't get an opportunity to make any more observations as Felix barrels into his chest and wraps himself around Chris like he needs to fuse the two of them into one person. Chris immediately puts his arms over Felix’s shoulders and starts carding his hands through his semi-greasy hair. 

“You really are gonna keep on saying that everytime you come home, huh? Don’t you get tired of being a little bastard?”

Felix snickers, sparrow-like chest shuddering with his mirth. Chris unwittingly puts one of his hands on the omega’s back to tug him a bit closer, to feel the movement of his body better. Chris smiles, like Felix’s happiness is something that resonates along the room and echoes in Chris as well. 

Felix rubs his nose along Chris’ shoulder, scenting him quite unsubtly. Chris smiles wider. 

“Well, I gotta keep the neighbours on their toes, right? Need to give them some juicy bits to keep the rumours alive.” 

Felix leans back a little to look into Chris’ eyes and a smile splits his face in half. He looks way too satisfied and happy for someone who just came back from a 10 hour long shift at their job. Whenever he grins this much, he gets these tiny little smile whiskers under his eyes. Chris likes feeling them with his thumb late at night, when they’re both delirious from lack of sleep and whatever inane conversation they’re indulging in.

Chris snorts and quips with an unnecessarily cheeky _sure_ before untangling himself from Felix and turning to the chopping board placed on the counter. Felix is already wrapping his arms around Chris’ waist and burying his face in the back of his neck before the alpha has even picked up the knife. Chris smiles a secret smile. 

They spend the next few minutes in silence as Chan chops the vegetables with quick, practiced movements and slides them into one big bowl, only garlic and onion remaining on the board still. He should start heating up the oil in the pan now, but instead he lays the knife down and leans back into Felix’s embrace. Felix rumbles happily, deep from within his chest, squeezing Chan even tighter. He’s warm like a sweater. 

Felix sniffs the hair at the back of Chan’s head and makes a curious sound. 

“Oh, what’s that? Did you use a new shampoo?”

Felix tries sniffing again, but Chris swats at him blindly in an attempt to make him stop. The omega whines unhappily in response. 

“Yeah, yeah, I started a new one, I think we got it from Hyunjin. The one that’s supposed to help with dry scalp?”

Felix hums questioningly, clearly not comprehending what Chan is talking about.

“The one in the green bottle?” Chan prompts and Felix _ahs!_ in understanding. “Yeah, it’s pretty nice. Does it smell weird or something?”

“Oh, no, not at all!” Felix is quick to deny as he sniffs again. “It’s just different, that's all. Took me by surprise.”

Chris hums and moves out of Felix’s embrace once again to turn on their stove.

“Go close the door, you left it open.”

Felix lets out a long-suffering sigh but complies immediately, leaving Chan alone in the kitchen.

Chan turns on the burner, prepares the pan and by the time Felix walks back the kitchen is already full of the delicious smell of butter-fried onion and garlic. He adds the chopped potatoes and carrots and covers the pan with the lid, leaving the tougher vegetables be and allowing them to soften. 

“Chan, hey,” Felix calls out and Chan turns his head around and sees Felix holding up a single grape, smiling mischievously. He is leaning against the counter on the other side of the room next to their fruit bowl, chewing on his own grape. “Open up.”

The alpha snorts, but still turns around fully and opens his mouth. Felix dramatically mimics a baseball player preparing to pitch a ball and sends the grape sailing across the room, straight inbetween Chan’s teeth. Felix cheers and does a silly victory dance, while Chan munches on his flying gift happily. 

“Woah, that’s a sweet one!” 

“I know, right? How do they make grapes this sweet in the middle of winter? That’s insane, dude.”

Chan lets out an agreeing sound and turns back to the pan, lifting the lid and stirring the veggies with a spatula. They’re tender enough now, so Chan adds some canned corn and starts pouring in the pre-made sauce slowly. The curry-flavoured dressing thickens considerably with the heat and starts bubbling deliciously, the golden colour making Chan’s mouth water. He opens their spice cabinet and starts humming as he seasons the dish carefully. He calls Felix over and wordlessly shoves a spoonful of curry into his mouth, making Felix sputter in surprise. He starts chewing gleefully after a few seconds of panting from the temperature of the dish and then makes a happy sound that curls around Chan’s heart and settles in his chest.

“It’s good!” his eyebrows rise up as he keeps on chewing in this uniquely Felix way, like he can’t quite believe just how tasty Chan’s dish is.

“Really? Does it need any more salt?”

Felix shakes his head vehemently and swallows fully, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. Chan dutifully follows the movement with his eyes. 

“No, not at all! It’s perfect!”

Chan utters a quick _nice_ and starts ladling the dish over the rice into two bowls while Felix sets the table. Chan wordlessly steps out of the way when Felix opens their cutlery drawer and Felix mutters a quick thanks as he takes out their spoons. He notices that Felix made sure to put more napkins next to Chan’s plate — the omega knows that he tends to eat messily like a toddler. 

Sometimes it hits Chan out of nowhere just how perfectly well they work together. They have been roommates for such a long time, friends for even longer — and yet becoming aware of how well they have learned each other still feels like a punch to the gut. How is Chan ever supposed to spend his life with someone who doesn’t know him the way Felix does? How is he supposed to settle for less? He knows that might have to make peace with that one day.

The two of them have this small ritual for when Chan has enough time and energy to cook homemade meals. They sit down opposite from each other, on their respective sides of the table in the kitchen and Felix starts eating while Chan waits. He likes to observe the way Felix’s face changes, how his eyebrows shoot up when the food hits his taste buds, how he does a deep, satisfied groan when he loves the flavour, how his face seems to shine when he compliments Chan’s cooking and keeps on chewing simultaneously. Chan only starts eating once he is sure that Felix is enjoying the meal he made. He can’t explain it, he swears he cannot rationalize it without sounding at least a little bit insane, but he just adores it when Felix eats his food. Loves feeling like he is providing for him. Like Felix is his to take care of, as if Chan puts a piece of himself in every meal he makes and when Felix swallows it down, he can become a little bit more Chan’s as well. He _swears_ it’s not an ownership thing, not in this gross way that society teaches alphas to look at omegas as something to have. It’s more like — he wants Felix to eat well. He wants to nourish him and keep him full, never hungry or lacking anything. He wants to make life good for him.

Felix keeps on eating and he’s lovely here. Lovely, sitting in their kitchen, tired from work and getting his energy replenished by Chan’s food, the food that he made for both of them to share. His cheeks are flushed from the heat of the curry he’s eating and his forehead glistens with sweat a little bit. Chan wants to come home to him every night until he dies. 

—

Sometimes, you find yourself in a place that you have always wished to be in — but the circumstances are completely different from what you imagined. Let Felix serve as an example.

He finds himself pressed against their bathroom sink, the ledge ramming uncomfortably into his lower back. He doesn’t pay it any attention though, because it’s Chan that is putting him into this position, the alpha’s broad back curled inwards, towards Felix. His hips are dangerously near to Felix’s ones. Chan is so close that Felix can feel the warm, moist puff of his breath on his neck. Felix fights back a violent, full-body shiver. 

“Alright,” Chan licks his lips, tongue sweeping broadly over his big mouth. Felix follows it with his eyes, like a dog chasing a ball. Jesus Christ. He grips the edge of the sink in his fists for some semblance of mental stability. “I’m gonna do it now, okay?”

“Wait,” Felix calls out hoarsely, gulps, tries to move his body away by at least a centimeter. The space, however, is unforgiving and Felix is boxed inbetween a firm, cold ceramic and a firm, warm body. If he exhaled too deeply, his dick would touch Chan’s. “Can we, uhm, like, do it in my bedroom instead?”

Felix is grasping at straws and Chan’s expression tells him that he knows just as much.

“You told me that you wanted to do it in here cause the lighting is better,” Chan scans his face, must notice how tense his body is and interpret it completely, wholly wrong. “Dude, it won’t even hurt that much, it’s just the lobe, I’ve done it for like at least 4 different people.” 

He covers Felix’s small hand with his own warmer one and squeezes delicately. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise.” he whispers, looking deeply into Felix’s eyes, like just a few words from him could make Felix never feel fear again. 

Felix lets out a shuddering breath and nods quickly a few times, looks down. “Alright, let’s get this over with.” Fuck it all, if he gets hard from Chan being this close to him then so be it. 

“Sweet! Now hold still.”

The warmth on top of Felix’s palm disappears and for a second Chan fiddles with something on the side. Right after, Chan puts his hand on Felix’s left ear and holds up the needle with the other one. He disinfects the lobe with antiseptic and smiles down reassuringly at him.

“Alright, now breathe in. I will pierce on the exhale.”

Felix does as told. It does _not_ barely hurt.

“Ow! Fuck, ow, ow, ow, _Chris_!”

Chan has the _audacity_ to shush him and pat his face while he continues to drive the needle through his skin. “Oh my god, stop squirming, I’m almost done.”

Felix, blinded by pain, does not listen and continues wiggling around, whimpering like a kicked puppy. Chan, with both of his hands occupied, has no choice but to press forward with his entire body and basically corner Felix against the sink with the sheer force of his hips. Felix finally stills, his body a livewire.

“Done!” Chan cheers, removing the needle gently. Felix sees blood and averts his eyes quickly. He feels the buckle of Chan’s belt pressing into the tender part of his stomach.

“Okay, now I’m gonna put in the piercing.” he reaches for the earring but halts momentarily and stares at Felix. “Are you gonna move around this time, too? It will just hurt more, you know?”

Felix rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, _I know_. It’s not my fault that I have a low pain tolerance.”

Chan snorts and doesn’t comment. Instead, he reaches for Felix’s hands and unclaws them from the sink, puts them over his own hips. Felix can feel the firm bones under his palms, the alpha’s summery skin feeling like it would burn if Felix got to touch it bare and not through his jeans.

_Hold on tight_ , he says and before Felix can utter a single word he picks up the simple silver earring that both of them bought earlier today and gently puts it into the newly created hole in Felix’s body. Felix blinks and he has a new piercing all ready. 

Chan takes a small standing mirror from the counter and holds it up for Felix, the omega turning his head from side to side, observing the newly acquired earring. 

“Do you like it?”

Felix looks up and sees Chan already staring at him. His whispered question resonates along the walls of their tiny bathroom and strikes something gentle in Felix’s heart. He smiles softly, regretfully detaching one his hands from Chan’s hip to put it on his cheek instead. The alpha nuzzles into the meat of his palm and huffs faintly, his warm breath gliding against the bare skin of Felix’s wrist. 

“Of course I like it,” Felix whispers. “You did it, after all.”

Chan smiles against the hold of Felix’s hand, the dimple on his cheek appearing like a sun coming out from behind a morning horizon. He looks like there is no other place in the world where he would rather be. Felix squeezes Chan’s hip delicately and puts his forehead on Chan’s one, no fear or tension this time, just the way it’s supposed to be. He gets it, though. There is no other place meant for Felix but the one by Chan’s side as well.

—

Chan is about to go into a rut. That’s about the only thing that he can comprehend right now.

He can also feel Felix’s hand carding through his hair and a blissfully cool and soft palm placed at Chan’s forehead checking his temperature. The toilet seat under Chan’s cheek is pleasantly chill, too. He tries whatever he can to focus on _this_ rather than his body that feels like it’s about to overheat and tear itself to shreds. 

Chan tries retching into the toilet bowl that he is halfway laying on again, but nothing comes up, just bile leaving a disgusting feeling crawling up his throat. The first day of rut is always so difficult; a weird mix of arousal, delirium and nausea. Chan knows that it gets better in the oncoming days, desire takes lead in anything else that he could be thinking about. Still, he is beyond miserable, cannot understand how his body can feel this destroyed and aroused at the same time. 

The alpha lays his head back on the toilet seat, looks at Felix and whines. Felix shushes him, reasumes carding his fingers through his hair again.

“It’s alright, darling. It’s all good.” he talks gently, so softly, like his voice alone could lull Chan’s body into equilibrium.

Chan whines again and pathetically and completely embarrassingly starts bucking up his hips, seeking whatever friction he can, anything that would calm down the roaring beast inside of him. Felix tightens his hand in Chan’s hair, probably intending to send a warning and halt his movements, but it does a complete opposite — Chan lets out a humiliatingly loud moan and arches up, tight like a bowstring. 

Felix, bless his heart, ignores how Chan nearly came just from having his hair pulled and instead sits up a bit to turn on the tap and pour Chan a glass of water. The alpha whines again, reaching out his arms weakly and tries to tug Felix closer, back to his side again, cannot stand unsticking himself away from _his_ omega for even a second. It’s pathetic how around Felix he is just a creature that wants.

“Here, drink up.” Felix puts the glass to his lips and Chan gulps down the water greedily, his mouth feeling like heaven after the taste of almost-vomit is washed away. He looks at Felix deliriously over the rim of the glass. 

“Can I scent?” Chan mutters out, his eyes glazed over and focused solely on the omega in front of him. He’s so pretty.

Felix seems to understand that Chan wants to scent _him_ in particular and shakes his head.

“No, we need to get you into a bed right now. You can scent me once we’re there. You, like, really need to lay down.” Chan groans and flops over the toilet seat again, his body not wanting to cooperate with his brain. “No, come on, get up.”

Chan can feel Felix tugging him up and he tries resisting for a second, just because he feels like being difficult. Still, he stumbles into Felix’s arms as soon as he is in a semi-standing position, wraps his lead-heavy arms around Felix’s tiny waist. It’s so small. Felix is so small and so big at the same time and Chan wants to eat him alive. Chan tightens his arms around Felix and drops his head into the junction between Felix’s neck and shoulder. He can smell him, even more than usual, the musky scent of an omega. It’s not that different from Felix’s usual smell, and yet it’s more, it’s omega. Chan doesn’t think he’s making a lot of sense.

“ _Nope_ ,” the alpha tries burying his head in Felix’s neck but is immediately stopped by its owner who tugs him away, by Chan’s ear this time. “Bedroom now. Scenting later.”

This time Chan lets Felix tug him away, both of them slowly moving to Chan’s room, taking a break every few steps because Chan still feels nauseous as hell. Felix helps Chan lower himself onto the bed, the alpha clumsily wrestling off his hoodie and shirt as soon as he can. He feels so goddamn hot, he thinks that his actual rut might be setting in anytime soon. Felix sighs deeply from his place on the floor next to the bed, like he’s exasperated by the alpha’s sudden nudity. Chan turns his head to the right to glare and growl at him. Felix just looks at him, unimpressed and tired of his antics, and reaches over to flick Chan on his forehead. 

“Ouch!” Chan whimpers. “What the _fuck_ was that for?”

“For being an annoying bitch of an alpha. Don’t look at me like that, you know that I’m not actually mad. You started going topless so often after your top surgery that all of us got used to it, so settle down, boy.” 

Chan growls lowly in response and turns over on his other side, facing away from Felix. 

“Chan…” Felix calls out. He puts his hand on the alpha’s nape and starts massaging gently. Chan doesn’t respond, just grumbles wetly. “It’s alright. It’s all good. I know how emotional it gets during pre-ruts. Scoot over, we can cuddle.”

Chan berguingly moves a few centimeters. Felix slithers onto the bed and opens his arms, an invitation that Chan will never know how to reject. He buries his head into Felix’s neck, as deeply as he can and just breathes. His arms circle around Felix’s lower back, tying them together, holding the two of them as close as it can get. _That’s the way it should always be_ , a voice deep from his subconscious calls out. Chan, for once, doesn’t have enough energy or coherence to disagree with it. It’s hard to clash with your own self when both you and your inner alpha want the same thing.

Felix is still massaging his nape, his strong fingers pressing down on the tightly-coiled muscle and Chan rumbles lowly, loving how it feels. He arches closer, his hips coming in contact with the omega’s own pelvis and he gasps, sparks of want shooting through him. His body starts rutting almost immediately, instinctually, with no thought or concern and Chan has to grip Felix’s hip with his hand and physically move him away to stop himself from doing something that he will regret. Chan whimpers, half animal that is being denied closeness, half man that knows it’s the right thing to do.

“Shh,” Felix soothes him, not even bothered by the whole display, used to Chan’s behaviour during moments like this. It’s not the first time he’s seeing him in this state and the alpha doesn’t know if he wants to cry from how embarrassing he is or from being accepted in spite of it. The omega puts his hand on Chan's one, smoothes over it with his soft fingers, wordlessly asking the alpha to loosen the grip that he has on Felix’s hip. Chan does it immediately, he didn’t notice just how tightly he was holding on — he touches it gently this time, like he’s apologizing. Felix hums in response, pushes Chan’s head into his neck again. They lie together, Chan just breathing in, his hands and hips twitching every few seconds. He knows that he’s getting closer and closer to the actual rut with every unforgiving second, so he enjoys the calm before the storm while he still can. As soon as Felix’s familiar smell will be gone, all hell will break loose and they both know it.

After half an hour, maybe an hour, Chan feels a snarl building in the back of his throat and he knows it’s time. His temperature is rising, but he can tell only because of the outpour of sweat down his back, too lost in the haze to notice the details properly. He looks at Felix and wants to bite his teeth into the omega’s neck as deep as they will go, wants to keep him bare millimeters away from death. He wants to leave a mark on his throat that will never fade away, that will bind them with something stronger than human love. He wants to sink into Felix himself, too, feel him clench around his knot, wants to see him ache for pleasure, breed him over and over until there will be no telling who is an alpha and who is an omega anymore, until they become one monstrous creature together.

“You need to go.” 

Chan’s voice is hoarse and he needs to grip his fists in the pillow above his head to not do something mad, like keep Felix here with him by force. He still needs to keep his humanity, to be the best version of himself while the omega is still there. There is a certain rock bottom that he is not willing to hit in front of Felix. 

Felix nods understandingly, caresses Chan’s face tenderly and leaves a barely-there kiss at his forehead. His lips feel cold against the feverish heat of Chan’s skin, like the sweetest relief he could ever wish for, like the only thing that could stop the oncoming tide of madness. The alpha closes his eyes and doesn’t open them until the door to the room closes behind the one he wishes for the most. Chan becomes an animal. 

—

“Chan, can you see my red shirt anywhere?”

A moment of silence, some rustling in the room next to Felix’s bedroom.

“No? I don’t think so?” Chan’s voice calls out, unsure, thick in accent and sleep.

Felix sighs deeply. _Damn alphas_ , he thinks.

“Are you sure?” more silence, a bit more rustling. “If you lost my favorite button up I swear to god Chan, I’m gonna do something drastic.” 

Felix hears thundering steps across their apartment and a second later Chan slams the door to Felix’s bedroom open. 

“I found it!” he’s grinning, standing in the doorway and holding up the shirt like it’s some grand treasure that he found by a miracle. Felix shakes his head as he snatches the garment from Chan’s hand. He’s such a dork. 

“Thanks,” Felix lifts the material to his nose, sniffs and hums, all on instinct. It’s such a stupid thing to smell every piece of clothing that finds itself in Felix’s hands and yet he does it anyway. “Oh, you didn’t wash it? It smells like you.”

Chan’s face contorst into a grimace and he visibly wilts against the wooden doorframe. 

“Shit, sorry, I forgot. Want me to get you some other shirt?”

Felix shrugs and slips it on anyways. He likes how Chan perks up as soon as the material finds itself on Felix’s shoulders, how his gaze lingers around his throat, curious.

“No, it’s fine.” Felix takes a look at how the button up lays over his t-shirt in the mirror. “I don’t mind. What are you wearing to Minho’s?”

“Well...probably something more festive than,” Chan does a wide gesture with his hand over Felix’s body. “this.”

Felix looks at Chan in the mirror and lifts his eyebrow up, unimpressed. “You’re just as much of a fashion disaster as I am. You really don’t get a say here, man.”

Chan snorts and crosses his arms over his chest as he leans his back against the doorway. He watches Felix watch himself in the mirror. 

Alphas tend to be unnerving. Felix hates it when they _look_ at him, when they spend a bit too long scanning his body with their eyes, from his head to toes. It’s uncomfortable, because _that_ alpha’s gaze means that they want something. And if an alpha wants something, they’ll try to get it. It makes Felix angry. He was never allowed to reach for things that he desired without consequences.

Chan’s eyes don’t feel like this, like an alpha’s gaze. It’s just Chan looking at Felix. Yet it’s more.

Felix meets Chan’s gaze in the mirror and he smiles at him sweetly which Chan returns, something in his face softening and letting go. 

“Will you do my hormone shot? And paint my nails before we leave?” 

Felix raises his arms and uses the hairband from his wrist to gather his hair up into something resembling a small ponytail. He turns his head from left to right and tries to decide if the updo is straight enough. “Yeah, sure to both. What colours do you feel like doing tonight?”

Chan tsks with his tongue and approaches Felix from behind, slowly putting one of his hands on the side of Felix’s arm. He does it to not spook Felix, which is completely unnecessary because he can see Chan approaching him perfectly well in the mirror — still, it disarms Felix every single time it happens, renders him useless. Chan just _cares_ and it’s simultaneously the simplest and the most complicated thing in the entire world.

Chan unfastens the hairband from the ponytail Felix made and puts it between his teeth while he gathers the omega’s blonde hair in his hands. His touch is gentle as he expertly forms a ponytail much better than the one Felix attempted at making. His face is all serious when he focuses like this and Felix greedily drinks up the reflected sight of him. Soon enough Felix is left with an even, elegant hairdo and Chan’s spit on his hairband.

“I was thinking like? Maybe some blues and purples? I’m wearing all black so a pop of colour would be nice.”

Felix hums and reaches back for Chan’s wrists, wraps the alpha’s arms around his own stomach. Chan comes closer willingly, never the one to deny his favourite, puts his head on Felix’s shoulder and his warm hands on Felix’s waist. They observe themselves in the mirror like this, Chan’s mellow eyes and Felix’s smart gaze raking over each other’s faces. When their eyes meet in the mirror, they don’t say anything. Just keep on looking and breathing slowly, together in tandem, chest molded to spine, cheek finding its place in the groove of a neck. It’s natural. 

Felix pats Chan’s hands placed on his midsection and untangles them gently. The omega takes one of Chan’s palms and brings it closer to his own face. “Let’s get these painted now, yeah? We don’t want to be late.” He turns around and looks back at the alpha, kisses his fingers, keeps the eye contact while his lips touch the rough skin of Chan’s knuckles. “Oh, and the shot!” his eyes widen when he remembers. “Fuck, we need to hurry. C’mon. Let’s go.” 

He tugs Chan by his wrist, away from Felix’s bedroom and into their bathroom. And Chan follows, like he always does.

—

Chan takes a look inside of his shopping bag, then at the short shopping list, and, again, peeks into the shopping bag. Peaches, bananas, apples, tangerines and strawberries. It seems like nothing is missing. He starts walking towards the cash register, pace a bit quicker than usual, eager to get back home. To Felix. 

Just a few seconds after paying he is outside with a tote full of their favourite fruits and cheeks red from the chilly weather. _It’s getting colder,_ Chan looks around absentmindedly, notices the snowflakes lazily spinning in the air around him. It’s starting to look like winter more and more with each oncoming day. _I need to remind Felix to wear gloves, lord knows he won’t do it himself_ , Chan thinks fondly, chuckling to himself quietly. Felix hates wearing gloves for some mysterious reason, resulting in his hands getting dry and rough every single winter — it can even lead to small wounds opening up on his palms, all of which Chris dutifully takes care of. He covers them in moisturizer and gently massages Felix’s bony hands at the same time, making sure to get the cream into each crevice of his lovely palm. Wonders what it would be like to lean down and kiss these hands, adore every knuckle and finger the way they deserve to be. To take a single finger into his mouth, hug it with his lips and tongue. Chan can feel heat radiating from his cheeks and blames it on the weather.

After a short trek, Chan is already climbing the stairs leading up to their apartment. He shouts a quick “I’m home!” when he crosses the threshold, but doesn’t really expect much of an answer. Felix has been incredibly busy these past few days, buried under paperwork that he fills in with his bedroom door firmly shut. Chan doesn’t want to disturb him, even if he is starting to experience the first results of his Felix withdrawal. 

Instead, he busies himself with the fruit he brought home. He rolls a green apple between his palms, trying to warm up the cold skin before placing it in a large plastic bowl. The peaches join them, too and Chan carries the produce to the sink to wash it carefully. He shakes off his hands before reaching for the strawberries, placing them in a smaller bowl and rinsing them off as well. _So that they won’t get squashed,_ Chan thinks.

He peels the tangerines and bananas and places them on the cutting board alongside the rest of the fruits. He starts cutting everything slowly, making sure that each slice and piece is not too thick nor too thin. He arranges a half of it on a small plate, most of the space being taken up by strawberries — Felix’s favourite. He puts a fork on the side and squeezes in some space for a tiny bowl as well, where Felix can put away the strawberry stems or the white parts of the tangerine. He wonders if he’s coming across as thoughtful, wonders if Felix would like that in a mate.

Chan hums as he crosses the apartment and stands in front of Felix’s door, knocking gently.

“Can I come in?”

Chan doesn’t have to wait for even a minute before the door opens and Felix stands in front of him.

“Shit, you scared me! I didn’t hear you come in, I thought I was home alone!”

“Like Kevin?” Chan giggles, incapable of stopping himself from making the terrible joke.

“God,” Felix chuckles as well, leaning against the doorframe. “God, that was a _bad_ one. Still better than most of your dad jokes, though.”

Chan is about to cross his arms and starting arguing like a madman, but he remembers that he is carrying a plate very full of food and stops himself just in time. The disaster is avoided.

“Ah, right!” Chan sidesteps Felix and invites himself into his room. It’s surprisingly dark, with the curtains drawn and a messy desk filled with stacks of documents. There are three separate empty coffee cups. Chan shakes his head disapprovingly as he places the fruit on Felix’s desk. 

“Is this for me?”

Chan walks up the window and opens the curtains and the pane itself, letting in some sunlight and fresh air. He declutters the desk a bit as well, straightens out the paper stacks and puts away the scattered pens into a neat row. He reaches for Felix’s hair and ruffles it affectionately, the omega preening under his hand. It’s a strange thing, how Felix doesn’t mind Chan just barging into his room and organizing it according to his own tastes. Omegas are so particular about space, about belongings — and yet. And yet.

“Yeah, went to the supermarket and got some fruit for you. There is more in the fridge if you want it.”

Felix smiles up at him, pretty eyes glinting like starlight even if there are purple bruises under them. 

“Thank you, Channie.” he smiles delicately as he reaches for a strawberry and pops it in his mouth, red juice staining his lips a bit. It reminds Chan of a party that they went to last year — Felix has put on some crimson lipstick and a shiny gloss on top and Chan dreamt about kissing him for three nights straight. He can still recall the sharp, cherry edge of his mouth if he focuses enough, can reimagine how it tasted in his dreams. He’s not sure if he should avert his gaze this time, but he doesn’t want to. 

It’s too late anyway, because Felix catches him staring, sees the way Chan’s hungry eyes follow the angelic curve of his upper lip. Felix smiles and Chan offers a small grin, too, less afraid of his own desire and being known. Maybe Felix likes knowing that he can drive alphas crazy. Maybe it’s just Chan that he wants to be admired by. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

“It’s no biggie, just eat well, yeah?”

Felix barely hums in response, already sitting down at his desk and focused on reading the documents in front of him, trying to catch a banana slice with his fork. It slips from the utensil and Felix screams while trying to clumsily gather its mushy form back from his desk. Looking at him Chan can feel nothing but fondness, neverending tenderness and a desire to find out if Felix would taste strawberry-sweet if they kissed now, too. He takes the empty cups from his desk and leaves him be.

—

Chan is the type of a person that will hide their pain until they physically just _can’t_ anymore. He argues that he’s built like this, to always keep his own sorrow and discomfort at the far end of his list of priorities. It drives Felix positively _insane_ how Chan somehow believes that this is a good thing, how others enable him by saying that it’s admirable. No one asked him to martyr himself in the name of his chosen family, no one wants him to do it. And yet he does it still.

Chan has bad days, just like everyone else does. As soon as Chan opens the door, Felix knows that it’s one of these. Felix looks at him and sees a body from which all of the Chan was sucked out. When he gathers the alpha close, Chan goes limp, buries his head in Felix’s neck and doesn't say a single thing. It’s only his body that tremors silently with unshed tears.

“Do you want to take a bath?” Felix whispers, puts his hand on Chan’s nape and plays gingerly with the tiny hair growing there, makes his palms tender because he knows how much it’s costing Chan to be this unguarded. How it’s not easy for him to acknowledge that he’s not fine. Chan nods, his forehead rubbing against the skin of Felix’s throat.

“Alright. Go sit down in the living room, I’m gonna prepare everything.”

Chan still spends a minute leaning his entire weight on top of Felix’s body, breathing in sync. After that, he sighs and unsticks himself from Felix and slowly shuffles in the direction of their sofa. Felix looks at his retreating back, brows furrowed in worry.

He enters their bathroom and turns on the tap in the tub, letting the water flow while it warms up. Felix takes out the lavender oil and two big, fluffy towels and sets them next to the bathtub, turns on the small space heater that they have in the room as well, wanting the place to be as cozy as possible.

He tries the water temperature with his hand and hums when he deems it warm enough. He plugs the tub and waits for it to fill, adds a few drops of the lavender oil when it’s full enough. Felix calls out for Chan softly and the alpha enters the bathroom after a minute, his nose twitching, presumably at the scent of the essential oil.

Felix closes the door and puts his hands on the hem of Chan’s shirt, looks at him questioningly. _Can I?_ he asks. Chan does a barely visible nod, so Felix starts lifting the garment, undressing the alpha. He does the same with his undershirt, sweatpants, boxers and socks, asking for consent and proceeding once it’s granted. When Chan stands completely naked, shivering slightly from the change in the temperature, Felix undresses himself as well. He can see Chan’s gaze following the lines of his body and he feels safe, unashamed. 

They’re bare, when they stand in front of each other. Felix comes closer and glides his fingers over Chan’s face, tries to smoothen out the tension out of his brows, temples, bridge of his nose. Chan closes his eyes and Felix is left free to observe the way he moves, how his chest and the twin scars under his pecs move with every breath he takes and returns. Felix starts to massage the place behind Chan’s ears, feels how his body softens.

“Won’t the water get cold?” 

Chan’s eyes open and he looks questioningly at Felix, still with this painfully familiar heaviness in the set of his shoulders. 

“You can get in first.”

Felix extends his palm and Chan uses it to keep his balance while stepping into the tub. He settles into it slowly, curls himself around his knees, puts his head on his legs and plays with the water. Felix doesn’t think he has ever seen him look quite this vulnerable, not even during the moments before his rut. He looks like he trusts Felix to not hurt him even at his weakest.

“Behind you or in the front?”

Chan buries his head in his knees and exhales slowly and deeply, the way his therapist taught him. 

“Behind, please.”

Felix wordlessly puts his hand on Chan’s bare shoulder and steps in as well, moving around until he is seated comfortably. The water is pleasantly warm and the smell of lavender makes his muscles relax almost instantly. 

“You can do whatever.” Chan says, his voice muffled. Felix hums and moves his hands to Chan’s back, pours water over the spine that’s almost painfully visible under the skin of his back. Slowly, he walks his fingers from the little of his back all the way to his nape, fingers finding their places in the grooves of Chan’s vertebrae. When he reaches the top of his back, he applies pressure in between the first and the following knob of his spine, pushes with his thumb until he can hear Chan groan. 

“Just a little bit more, darling.” Felix whispers, keep on pressing even when Chan starts squirming. Chan whimpers out a soft, little, wolfish sound that finally makes Felix stop. “You know that it helps with your migraines. Your head hurts, right?”

Chan sighs in response, nodding and uncoiling himself from his position a bit. 

“I’m gonna wash you now, okay?” 

Chan shrugs. He _did_ give him a blanket permission to do anything, after all.

Felix puts one of his hands on Chan’s forehead and shields his face while he pours water over his head with his other palm. He reaches back for the shampoo that he uses and squeezes some out onto his fingers, foams it up before putting it in Chan’s hair. He massages his scalp gently for a minute before rinsing it out. He takes the conditioner as well and repeats the whole process, tilting Chan’s head back until he is half laying on Felix. He combs through Chan’s product-slick hair and hears the alpha rumble quietly, making Felix smile a little.

Felix soon abandons Chan’s hair and instead places his arms over Chan’s shoulders, crossing them at the front of his chest. They just rest like this for a while, Felix observing the drops falling from their leaky tap and creating ripples across the foamy water. Chan is incredibly warm against Felix’s chest, his muscles noticeably less tense. He looks so peaceful like this, with his eyes closed, the entire weight of his body supported by Felix.  
  
  


Felix taps him twice on his chest and Chan rises into a seating position again as Felix pumps some body soap into his hands. He starts from lathering Chan’s neck, hands firm over the nape, but delicate on his throat. Felix moves onto the rest of his torso, but hands weakly placed over his wrists stop him from descending any lower than Chan’s belly button.

“I don’t,” Chan starts speaking and halts just as abruptly. They stew in silence for a moment while he gathers his thoughts, Felix obediently not moving any further. “I don’t want to bathe anymore. I want to sleep.” he looks down at his hands covering Felix’s smaller ones. “I’m so tired, Lixie.”

Felix hums and reaches behind himself again to take a shower head into his hands. 

“Alright, let’s get you into a bed, then.”

—

They’re laying in Felix’s bed, face to face, cocooned by silence in a way that Felix finds very comforting. There are no bad silences with Chan. Felix is almost doing off, his eyes closed and breathing evening out when he feels a gentle touch on his face. A thumb is smoothing out the space between his brows and a moment later Chan asks hoarsely and groggily, almost at the brink of sleep himself:

“Are you mad?”

Felix is startled enough by the question that he opens his eyes and looks at Chan incredulously.

“Mad? About what?” 

“When I came home. You looked mad for a second.” Chan swallows. “Was it because I was tired?”

Felix considers for a second, unburies his hand from under the blankets and reaches up to comb through Chan’s hair. It has dried already and smells of Felix’s shampoo, which is terribly pleasing to something wild and timeless in him. He takes a moment to look inside of himself and finds that yes, he is irritated. He’s not surprised that Chan just _gets_ what he is feeling before Felix himself does — they know each other too well. “Yeah, I am a bit mad, I think. Not at you specifically, though.”

Chan makes a soft, inquiring sound.

“I was thinking about how, like, you know how we talked about how overworking yourself has been so overglorified?” Chan hums. “I was just… I really hate it when other people make it seem like you working yourself to the ground is good. When you tell some people that you have been making music for 14 hours straight and they look at you like this is something impressive.”

Chan side-eyes him. “Is it not?”

“I mean, I guess in some sense it is, that _is_ super long. Maybe I worded this wrong… what I mean is that overworking yourself is not good. I don’t like it when others praise you for doing it, because it makes it seem like it’s something that you should strive for.”

“Are we having this conversation again?” Chan murmurs, tries to say it like it’s amusing, but Felix can tell that he is getting annoyed. “Felix, I am an adult. If I want to work for an entire day without breaks, so be it. This is not your place to worry like this. _I know_ how I function best.” Chan snorts, an ugly sound that comes from malice rather than humour. “It’s not even like you’re my omega or anything. It’s not your job to be angry on my behalf.”

Felix swallows through the hurt climbing up his throat and stares into Chan’s eyes and starts talking.

“Chan, you’re a human being and you need rest. I’m not trying to psychoanalyze you, even though God knows someone should, but, Chan. _Chris._ You aren’t proving yourself to be worthy of anything by hurting yourself. You deserve rest even when you aren’t dead tired. I love you and I can’t stand seeing you do this to yourself, your omega or not.”

Chan’s face is neutral when his eyes move around Felix’s face, gaze stopping for a bit longer at his freckles as always.

“Did I sound a bit preachy?” Felix whispers, observing Chan right back.

“A bit, yeah.” He sighs deeply, rolls over onto this back. “But I know that you’re right. Like, deep down I get that what you mean is true, it’s just hard to apply that same kind of logic to my own situation, you know?” Felix hums affirmingly and turns over on his back as well. They lay here, thinking.

“I think that I needed to hear this. Maybe. But I don’t want to talk about this right now. I really need to sleep or I’m gonna say something mean and then regret it in the morning.”

“Okay. Let’s talk tomorrow, then?”

Chan nods. “Yeah, tomorrow afternoon. I think I need a bit more time to think about all of this.”

“That’s fine.” Felix says and stops for a second. “I expect an apology for the omega comment, though.”

“It’s not like I lied.” Chan thinks for a few seconds and Felix can feel his own hackles rise. “But still, it was mean. I’m sorry. We don’t need to be mated for you to care about me. You can still care about me if we’re just friends, or — whatever.”

“ _It’s not like you lied?_ I know that you’re having a terrible day and that’s why you’re this prickly, but wow. Apology not accepted, do better tomorrow. Goodnight.” Felix says as he buries himself under the blankets more snugly and clearly prepares himself to fall asleep, turning his back to Chan.

Chan falls silent and Felix can almost feel the sheer apologetic vibes that he is emitting even without looking at him.

“Felix…” he utters softly, moves closer to the omega and puts his arm over Felix’s waist. “You know that I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like we don’t belong to each other.”

They both tense. Felix turns on his other side again, looks into Chan’s eyes.

“Of course, Chan.” Felix mutters, stares at Chan and feels like what he’s about to say is dangerous, truth kept acknowledged but unspoken. He doesn’t think he can bear to keep all of his love inside anymore. “We do belong to each other. I’m your omega, you know it. Even if we never said it outloud.” 

Felix stills for a bit, wonders how daring he can be in one night, then adds:

“So don’t ever say that I’m not yours, alpha. Don’t lie into your beloved’s face. You know better.”

Chan stills completely, the arm that he has placed around Felix’s own waist tenses. After a second, it starts quivering, Chan’s hands that start shaking like he’s mad. Felix lifts his own palm to wipe the tears that started falling from his alpha’s eyes, Chan’s gaze desperate for something that he seems to find in Felix’s face.

“You’re my Felix.” He says, voice hoarse, choking back snot and crying. “Of course. Of course you’re mine. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

Chan cuts himself off with a choked off sob and Felix smiles up at him, tears gathering in his own eyes as well.

“Yes.” He says, suddenly breathless, like something invisible was taken out of his chest and suddenly there is enough space for air in here. “I am your Felix. Just like you are my Chan.” 

“Why did we never talk about this?” Chan takes Felix’s hand in his own and kisses the top of it, glides his lips softly over Felix’s strong knuckles, tears dripping onto his skin. “Why did it feel like we weren’t allowed to love out loud?”

“I don’t know. I was scared, even if deep down I felt that you loved me all the same. But it doesn’t really matter, right?” Felix turns their hands over and now it’s him that’s sprinkling Chan’s wrist with summer shower kisses. “As long as we know, it doesn’t have to be said, right?”

“Maybe,” Chan says carefully. “Maybe it doesn’t. But, God, it feels good to finally say it, yeah? I was so afraid. So afraid, my love.”

“Until you wasn’t.”

“Until I wasn’t.”

“Yeah,” Felix smiles a thousand suns against the delicate skin of Chan’s wrist. He feels like something is gonna burst out of his chest, like the happiness that he feels cannot be contained in his body anymore. He feels brave, braver than he ever was. “Do you want to bite me, one day? Claim me?”

Felix feels the way his alpha’s pulse starts pounding and he smirks. He knows the answer.

“Yes,” Chan is breathless in a way that Felix has never heard him before, desire born anew in how Chan’s wondrous gaze lands on Felix's neck. He looks crazy, crazed with finally being allowed to do something that he has been longing for for years. “I want it. I want it, _please_ , let me. Will you let me?”

Felix centers his gaze on Chan’s mouth and tilts his head to the side, exposes his neck and like a chain reaction — Chan’s breath catches, his hands clench, his fangs grow. Felix swallows harshly, smiles with joy that he has never felt before. 

“Do it, now.”

There is no need to second guess, for Chan to ask again, he trusts Felix to make the right decision for himself, for both of them, too. When his alpha looks at him, he looks mad with desire to do something there is no coming back from, something that they both have been quietly aching for years, for forever, for centuries perhaps. The want to _bite_ that resonates along their gums and into their teeth feels like something old, ancient yearning that started before either one of them was born. It feels like a rite of passage. 

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter how human-like they dress, how much they pretend — at the end of the day they are creatures that were given teeth not to hunt, but to bite with love.

Chan lowers himself over Felix’s body, his omega’s hand slithering around his shoulders, holding onto his hair. The other one thumbs over Chan’s lips, sneaks inside and feels the engorged, sharp fang, slick with saliva and blood. 

“You go first. And then I’ll claim you right back, yeah?”

“My love, my little one,” Chan smiles, happy like Felix has never seen him before. “My omega. Whatever you want, I will make it happen. I will make it happen for you.”

Felix smiles up at him, just as giddy, feels the rush of blood in his ears, already feels the oncoming rollercoaster even if he wasn’t ever claimed before. His body already knows, though. His body always knew. “Then get on with it already, I can’t wait anymore.” He giggles, he fucking _giggles_. “I love you too much to not be yours for even a second longer.”

Felix closes his eyes, tugs on Chan’s hair and feels the way his alpha’s teeth sink deep into his skin. It’s a rush to be on the brink of death and love.

They become animals together.

**Author's Note:**

> i always adored abo and i'm so glad that i could finally contribute my own fic! i hope that i managed to create something tender and loving. also the day i stop writing trans chan is the day i die, so like jot that down.
> 
> thanks for making it this far! a huge shoutout to kam, yuri and apollo for being amazing and helping me with this fic more than i express. i love you all <3 if you liked the fic, please leave a comment and a kudo, cause they keep me going and creating more content for all lovely stays! 
> 
> follow me on twitter and ask me questions on cc, i would love to have more chanlix mutuals!! muah  
> [tw: @lemonimpact](https://twitter.com/lemonimpact)  
> [cc :@lemonimpact](https://curiouscat.qa/lemonimpact)


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